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So, today was a blast and a half-- I got to spend the day in the fucking emergency room, getting pumped full of drugs, x-rayed, and the like, while my parents planned to get flights up to Canada by tomorrow morning. What's your problem?

Last night, around seven o'clock, I got this sudden sharp fucking pain around my kidney. I called my mother, and confirmed my fear that yeah, I probably had a kidney stone. I spent the entire howling in pain, guzzling water trying to fill up my bladder, puking, and wandering around my apartment, trying to keep from passing out. I'm marking it down as one of the worst fucking nights of my life, and I'll do anything to never have to go through it again. Somewhere in between ten thirty and midnight, the pain stopped as quickly as it came-- and while I felt some action still going on my side, my abdomen had calmed down a bit, and I was able to fall asleep.

I woke up at four in the morning feelin' pretty fine. I was able to piss normally, and my side didn't seem to hurt as much. Woke up again at seven, same deal. When I woke up again at eleven thirty, the pain in my kidney had returned, but I didn't really make a big deal out of it. By the time I had lugged my computer downstairs and tried to sit down, I was in agony again.

Finally figuring this was pretty fucked up, I made my way down to the health clinic to check out what was going on. Of course, nobody accepts my American health insurance (...if you believe that Canadian health care is as easy as Michael Moore says it is, you're fucking retarded.), so, I ended up having to pay a hundred dollars to even get looked at. I was feeling stingey, but, figured it was worth getting it checked out.

The clinic doctor went through the basics and asked me a bunch of questions about what I went through the other night. He gave me a blank stare, and told me that I needed to get my ass up to the emergency room as fast as I fucking could-- He said that, in best case scenario, I had a huge fucking kidney stone.. but, I was also showing symptoms of appendicitis.. which, would mean I would need to get my fucking appendix out as quickly as fucking possible (..of course, without insurance, that was going to be god damn impossible).

The pain in my side getting more and more persistent, I decided to do what the dude said, and went to go get checked out at the ER.

I checked in, got talked to about payment (...which was essentially just them saying: HAHAHA YOU OWE US SO MUCH MONEY, BITCH!), got a very basic check out, and was told to just hang tight in the waiting room. I spent about an hour in there, pacing around (because, remember, I can't sit down), and I had to make two trips to the bathroom to vomit my guts out.

They finally saw me, and said that they were going to give me something for the pain. And oh, the things they gave me. They hooked me up on an IV first, and then pumped my ass up with morphine.

Now, if you've never had morphine before-- it's pretty much one of the most amazing things you'll ever experience. It's takes a minute or two to get into your bloodstream, but once it does it's like... Sure, my side hurts like hell, but I doesn't even care!! It's wonderful. Of course, it was soon followed by the most bizarre administration of medication I've possibly ever experienced. The doctor was like: "Now, would you like to administer this yourself, or would you rather I did it?"

...and I'm like, 'Why the fuck would I want to do that? You do it.'

'...Okay.' She says. Next thing I know, I'm on my side, she's slapping on a pair of gloves and shoving gelly-like tablets up my ass with her finger, while I scream: 'WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!' It didn't matter much after, though-- Because those drugs kicked in QUICKLY, and I was on the fast track to happy land.

 About (at least what felt like) forty minutes later, I'm still bewilderingly amused by the insulin dropping from the IV. They brought in a wheel chair, and asked if it would be okay for them to use that for them to bring me to the x-ray. And of course, when I say:

'Datsa no problemo! I's can do dat.'

'...Yeah, we're just going to wheel you down in your bed.'

'Okie-dokey.'

So, I get my x-ray, and get wheeled back up into my room. A half hour or so later, they come back in and tell me that yeah, I've got a kidney stone. They give me some weird looks when I take this as good news-- But hey, it's ten times better than appendicitis. The sucker is a 5mm, which is the exact mark to pass it on my own. If it was any bigger, I would have had to gone in for surgery.

The doctor prescribed me some pain killers, because, if you haven't heard, passing a kidney stone HURTS -- But, I can't afford any of them... So, looks like I'm just going to roughing it. The drugs they gave me are starting wear off right now, and my side is starting to hurt again, which means I'm going to finish this up a little faster than expected.

It's going to be a long fucking night.